December 2008
63 posts
“Nothing is so common as the wish to be remarkable.”
– William Shakespeare
(via dontbelievethehype) (via peterwknox)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I traveled at least once 11 out of 12 months of...
In lieu of a year-end wrap up, these are all the places I traveled to in 2008:
Kohala, Hawai’i (x4)
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Austin, Texas/Midland, Texas
Grand Canyon, Arizona/Page, Arizona/Monument Valley, Utah/Moab, Utah
Weli Weli, Hawai’i (x3)
Danville, Pennsylvania (x2)
Princeton, New Jersey
Wellfleet, Massachusetts (x2)
Roseland, New Jersey
Kingston, New York
Allentown,...
Note to self
After 28 years, maybe I should realize that when Dad asks, “Wanna go for a drive?,” he means,”Want to open all the gates for me while I drive?” Kind of like how it took me a whole summer in middle school to figure out that “quality time” meant “pulling yellow weed out of the pasture with your hands.”
“Also, over Christmas dinner, I think I talked my stepmom & our neighbors...”
“What did one volcano say to the other volcano? I lava you.”
– My sister tells the best lame jokes
If you know anything about ectoplasm, please email...
Thanks.
“I think the Body of Christ has the two-second rule.”
– The mother of my godchild, on dropping the wafer during Communion
I'm on my way from Hawaii to Colorado for my...
Bippity boppity boo
And the award for best use of Intermediate French...
Frenchman: I want to sleep with you.
Liz: Je suis une grande putain.*
*I am a big whore.
bits from last night
Me: What are you doing on the phone?
Paul: You called me.
Me: But I meant to call a straight boy.
von Hottie 2009 calendar now on sale! →
Buy it. Keep me in fake pearls and my lycra-spandex blend.
note to self: find head
I can’t find my head!
No really, I just wrote that on a notepad. It’s 4am, the calendar is now on sale! Wooo!
But I can’t find the head of my life-size cutout. And at 4am, that’s really, really funny.
I can’t find my head!!! Help! It’s in a box! My head! Help!
thank you public theater lighting department
the handsome young men in the lighting department are letting me borrow pink gels AND a handmade heart gobo
for your efforts, beer & condoms are on me
How to get your Eggs Nogged at a Holiday Party →
Just so you’re prepared for my party, tomorrow night.
I'm leaving all my worldy goods to the man who...
My dad’s working on setting up his estate, although he’s never going to die. Right Dad? Never, right? Never! Good.
Anyway, I have to sign off on all sorts of things and it’s really weird to be making provisions for the spouse and children you don’t have. Also, I think the lawyer thinks I’m crazy because I keep making up elaborate scenarios for my imaginary...
Nominate me for a Tumblr Award & get a free von... →
Why? Because you love me and because I like to win things.
Remember that time I almost won a Pulitzer? This is just like that time, only I’d win internet fame instead of literary street cred and money honey.
Go here. Nominate http://thefamouschronicles.tumblr.com for a Tumblr Award in Best Original Content/Editorials. (Or nominate me in another category, whatever you want me to win!)
...
BLONDE ALERT
Exhibit A: Tonight I went to K-Mart, which is 10 blocks away, and it took me 5 hours to get there. I may or may not have run into some friends along the way.
Exhibit B: For the past 2 days (or more?), I’ve been tearing apart my apartment, unpacking and re-packing boxes, looking for an imaginary second CD of calendar pictures. Turns out all along, all the pictures were on ONE CD, which has...
Things you can do at the von Hottie "von Holiday"...
* Snog the bartender (it happens at almost every von Hottie party)
* Dance! Dance! Dance! (you won’t be the only one)
* Wear something inappropriate (von Hottie won’t judge)
* Refer to your boss’ husband as “The Baby Daddy”
* Ask for a raise
* Steal the microphone
* Hug everybody, especially strangers
* Give out privileged...
“Don’t you dare cut the “masturbating with Jesus” scene because...”
– Me. I love that I have friends who need me to offer this kind of advice.
Also: in my inner life, I'm in a Beyonce music...
Ok, Both the economy and the entire world kind of...
“We all have ways of coping. I use sex, and awesomeness.”
– Jack Donaghy, 30 Rock (via dazzlingdelta/lrusso/sarahchristine/malty) (via seriouslythough) (via peterwknox)
