economy says: armageddon out of here!
Of course the month the economy goes on a kamikaze bender is the month Laura von Holt decides she has to be an even prettier pretty princess and live alone in an inevitably more expensive apartment.
The run-thru of GIANTS ran 55 minutes today. It has to be 45. The director kept trying to make me find sentences to cut. I just wanted to take out all the “ands.”
I think it’s hilarious that I’ll stand on a street corner in my bathing suit without batting an eyelash, but the thought of moving out of my apartment next month is giving me continual waves of nausea and anxiety dreams.
Amanda made a video for me →
I hope the link works. Amanda made this video for me on Facebook! I love her! I love my video!!! Yay Amanda!
Pet my hair and tell me I'm pretty
Because this is what I wrote today: BUTTON Every day, I’ve been making a copper bullet into a baby and a graveyard into a home. I thought if I squeezed hard enough, the bullet would want to be a baby, and the graveyard would have to be a home. But Life is not a war and Love is not a battle. Life is sunlight on your face. You soak the light in and then you let it shine out of your heart....
Plaid shirt boy
I’ve been at Think Coffee all afternoon with Liz, trying to rewrite two sentences on GIANTS, but really just messing around on Facebook. Liz and I were checking out the guy in the green plaid shirt behind us. Liz just left, and a minute later, this amazing piece of amazing-ness happened: Plaid Shirt Boy:Excuse me, are you von Hottie? Me: Yes. PSB: Do you remember me from the Dove?...
“Head of Skate” - a mock preview by College Humor. If Disney make a movie about Sarah Palin, this is what it would be.
It’s going to be part of the president’s job to be able to deal with more than...– Barack Obama (via election08) Oh, Barack. You make me giggle.
The days when a photographer could buy an abandoned bank building on the Bowery...– Crash Virgins | The New York Observer (via peterwknox) Mua ha ha ha ha ha! Demos thinks I should email the owners and ask if I can rent out the first floor of that bank building on Bowery for our pub theater. .
Waffle House Wedding →
I would have come out of bridesmaid retirement for this wedding. Seriously.
Grannies' dance troupe charms Czech Republic. →
Yes. Just Yes. I’m booking all you girls for our dance troupe’s first rehearsal in 2030. via Jezebel.
The wedding gods are still out to get me
I’ve just been invited to a bachelorette party the day after Kate & Amanda’s New York wedding reception (actual wedding was in Cape Cod). I don’t know why I even stop drinking. Why pause for the daylight hours when you’re just going to pick the bottle back up again 12 hours later?
Rubbish dump found floating in Pacific Ocean is... →
Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s Hawaii 78 is running through my head right now.
I want your Sarah Palin erotica
rkb: Inspired by my recent Erotica 101 workshop, where I asked attendees to write erotica about a “prominent political figure” and 4 out of 5 picked Sarah Palin, I’m issuing a call for Sarah Palin erotica. Anything goes as long as all characters are over 18, no bestiality or incest (usually erotica rules) and somewhere, somehow, Sarah Palin is in the story. No pay, but you will get credit and a...
The problem is there’s a little bit of Laura and von Hottie mixed in this....– Liz. Life coach & manager on my Twitter.
SXSW 2009 →
I have to go. It’s just got to happen. And somehow I will rule SXSW and continue my world domination.
von Hottie on Zoomdoggle.com →
von Hottie’s pic of the week is going to be a regular feature on Zoomdoggle.com. Jake (the founder) is super cute. He used to be on Road Rules. Hotttttt. We love each other.
Part #167435 in the ongoing series, “You know you’re getting famous when …” This is the hate mail I got today: From:ignatiusriley[rest of email address redacted] To: email@example.com Subject: Name Hi, I came across your website and I think you have it wrong. It should be Von Fattie. Have a nice day. CB First of all, “CB” is just as obnoxious...
Maybe I'm crazy . . .
…but I kind of think this economic crisis thing might be kind of fun. I always like a little bit of controlled anarchy. I wish I hadn’t had a cold this whole week, because I would love to be in the bars on Wall Street, buying shots for ex-Lehman employees, welcoming them to the first day of the rest of their lives. We’d shake our fists at the man, and by the end of the night,...
Hackers broke into the Yahoo! e-mail account that Republican vice presidential...– From Yahoo News. Hello, Secret Service. Yoo hoo! Over here! Hi, it’s the internet. You can find those emails on Gawker. You don’t need to ask the AP. Even von Hottie’s read ‘em!
From the deks of The Wedding Gods
Dear Laura, Gee, thanks so much for being in 3 weddings in 6 weeks. You were super helpful. Unfortunately, because you showed up still drunk hungover to one wedding, we are punishing you with a nasty cold. And you thought you were free to enjoy your life now! Ha! That’s cute. Go read a wedding blog. With love, The Wedding Gods
Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator →
If Sarah Palin were my mom: 1) She’d be dead. 2) My name would be Froth Moonshine Palin.
I drunk texted Amanda, just for the public record
Me: (9/13/08 2:57 am) I am drinking at the dove I am gonna be awesome at this wedding
Me: (9/13/08 10:46 am) I am so hungover I am gonna die
In the movie of my life as a bridesmaid, the last shot would be of me dancing in a bar, pausing to text the couple “Happy Wedding Day” at 3 am. Then it would cut to 9 hours later, me trying not to throw up as I walk down the aisle, stashing a bottle of water in my cleavage.
genius of honor decides to go not so genius →
Check out my tour de delinquence.
von Hottie on Current TV! This is the interview & footage from my Coney Island shoot on Labor Day. I’m so famous, my public knew about my TV debut before I did! Thanks to Khaliah and Mayumi for being vigilant about Googling my name! Also special thanks to Luke for being my ever wonderful photographer, and to Amy & Liz for acting as my entourage during the shoot. p.s. This is...
In memoriam of 9/11
In honor of 9/11, I’m not going to talk about my experiences that day. Instead, I’m going to give a shout out to my brother, who joined the Marines just days before 9/11. He called me as soon as he heard about the attacks and told me to stock up on food and water because we “didn’t know what the assholes would do next.” I went to the campus bookstore and bought out...
I am obsessed with Fabio's brief vocal career. →
We're not going to die tonight, or tomorrow . . . →
… but just in case, I’m going to dress appropriately. “Hey physicists, I’ll show you a black hole! Ba dum bum. I’ll be here all week … unless we DIE!!!!”
Obama Arts Policy →
An excerpt, written by Michael Chabon. Our children need training and encouragement and support—they need rehearsal space and tempera paint and bass violins, teachers and tap-shoes; they need constant, passionate exposure to the great artistic heritage of their people, so that even if they don’t grow up to be artists themselves, they will still have been blessed, as Americans have always been...