Does Anybody Date Anymore? →
I want some steak frites!!! Gentlemen, get on it. via peterwknox:
You can’t un-see what you’ve seen.– My brother, on the von Hottie calendar.
It's Britney bitch!
Good news: I saw Britney in concert last night and she is back! I think her handlers were thinking, “Whoa Britney’s a loose canon, we better not give her a live mic or too many dance moves.” But Brit, I saw your aerial routine and von Hottie wants you to know that she knows you’re capable of more! You gotta support Britney, people - she’s got alimony to pay and JJ...
I’m alone because I had an aunt I admired when I was a child. Her name was...– Why I’m Alone OMG. When I grow up, I’m going to be Aunt Hilda. OMG. I think I already am Aunt Hilda. SUCCESS!!!
I'm on an internet radio show today from 2-6pm
This weekend, von Hottie was a special guest on the popular internet radio show, The Happy Hour Show with Leslie & Tori. To listen: Tune in today by visiting wtnrradio.com The show is approximately an hour long & runs continuously from 2-6pm (world time). If you miss the show, you can still download the podcast from iTunes FOR FREE by clicking this link. It should be available...
Plan B commercials piss me off
Why isn’t there a guy in the commercial who is accompanying the girl, bashfully entering a non-descript pharmacy and slapping down his $17.50 share of responsibility? Ha-rumph.
If it’s too much, it’s perfect.– Liz Wexler, lifecoach & manager to von Hottie.
I just like putting my hand in all the jewels– Amanda, who is currently glueing pink rhinestones to my microwave. (Heh heh. I bet she does!)
I'm so famous people think about me when they... →
(via Oh the Joys …) I wrote it not 2 seconds ago and immediately thought of VonHotness. Set up: (Biracial) terrorist and his gf Polly are in a heated argument about having kids (he has vowed to never do because SURPRISE he’s biracial). WESLEY: It’s one thing for two consenting adults to decide that they will brave the criticism of their families and societal ostracism for the sake of...
If you're flying Virgin America, please watch...
No really, This clip of von Hottie is playing on flights from NY-LA, and others as well.
I take my role as Baloney very seriously.
Me: What's my motivation for stopping here?
Kate: You're pretty. And you just remembered it.
Me: I can work with that.
"Cause I'm a Blonde" from Earth Girls are Easy →
OMG, it’s like my life wrote this song.
You better have only two cocktails tonight, missy
About to meet a lovely lady I know who writes freelance articles for the glossies. She’s interviewing me about von Hottie, and hopefully someone will pick up the article. In the meantime, it means I get free mojitos & corn at Cafe Habana. Just remember von Hottie, don’t let the mojitos do the talking!
Even though we don’t live together anymore, I can still text my wifey to ask her where my scissors are and she’ll know exactly where I misplaced them.
She must be able to breathe through her ears, because that’s the only...– One of our cousins, on her brother’s trashy, crack ho girlfriend. You cam really get the dirt on people when you go to funerals.