The Famous Chronicles

Time Out New York Naked Shoot

I’m not even sure what the best part of today was …
- The 10 people getting into 1950s cocktail hair, makeup & wardrobe in my apartment in only and hour and a half!
- The journalist hanging out in my living room, sipping prosecco & jotting down everything everyone said.
- Running to the bathroom yelling, “I’ve got to wash my nipples!”
- Putting on the pasties and then triumphantly exclaiming, “Check out my nipple flowers!” They were lacy. I was excited.
- Opening the door wearing a very little wrap and hot rollers, expecting to see one of my friends but instead seeing the UPS man. Whoops.
- Getting a case of prosecco delivered to my apartment before everyone arrived.
- Opening 3 bottles before the shoot. Opening 6 after.
- One of my friends saying, “You’re one of 4 people that can coax me out of my self-absorption.”
- Raiding my fridge for Girl Scout cookies, which got everyone very excited.
- Handing a hanger full of pearl necklaces for my friend to carry across the street to the photo shoot.
- Arriving at the location, standing half-naked while my friend stitched pearl necklaces on me.
- Needing 12 packs of pearl necklaces opened immediately. Screeching, “I need assistance” and having everyone rush over and form this beautiful little sweatshop assembly line. Then apologizing profusely for having yelled.
-Reminding everyone they were all on “vag patrol.”
-Waddling over to the couch for the shoot, covering my woo-hoo with a red glitter heart.
- Liz blowing bubbles in my face.
-Looking around and realizing I’d convinced 9 people to hang out in cocktail attire while I was naked, and they all seemed to think it was a great idea, too.
-Looking over at my wife, realizing she wasn’t a theater person like the rest but she really pulls through her stage fright when I need her.
- Amanda being referred to by the photographer as “Crying Girl On the Left”
-Kate’s amazing playlist she made in the car on the way to my apartment.
- The photographer asking me to switch up poses and trying to figure out how to change my look without disrupting the delicately draped pearls. I settled for head angles. The shoulders had to remain stationery.
-The powder girl had the softest powder brush. I wanted to marry it. I kind of purred every time she powdered me.
- Walking back across the street to my apartment, wearing only a robe, 15 lbs of pearls and heels, surrounded by my von-tourage.
- And then, getting everyone drunk in my apartment and making all their Girl Scout cookie dreams come true.