The Famous Chronicles

von Hottie: what's really waiting at the end of the rainbow

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:40:31 -0500

Dear von Hottie,

we made friends with 6 new gay men in the past 2 weeks. Six!!! it’s an embarrassment of riches. and we owe it all to you.

Love, XXXX

Things That I Am Sick of Doing

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 03:50:29 -0500

Things That I Am Sick of Doing:

I really love this girl.

The serial killers in my play really like this song. And right...

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:37:00 -0500

The serial killers in my play really like this song.

And right before they sing this song, they sang some Careless Whisper.

These women are out of control! We need some Spanx up in here.

"Basically, I realized, I was living in that awful stage of life from the age of twenty-six to..."

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 18:30:20 -0500

“Basically, I realized, I was living in that awful stage of life from the age of twenty-six to thirty-seven known as stupidity. It’s when you don’t know anything, not even as much as you did when you were younger, and you don’t even have a philosophy about all the things you don’t know, the way you did when you were twenty or would again when you were thirty-eight.”

- Lorrie Moore, Anagrams (via tylercoates)

lookmom: celesterstallone:purns:pile:caseydonahue

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 12:37:49 -0400

lookmom:

celesterstallone:purns:pile:caseydonahue

Time Out New York Naked Shoot

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 04:16:07 -0400

I’m not even sure what the best part of today was …
- The 10 people getting into 1950s cocktail hair, makeup & wardrobe in my apartment in only and hour and a half!
- The journalist hanging out in my living room, sipping prosecco & jotting down everything everyone said.
- Running to the bathroom yelling, “I’ve got to wash my nipples!”
- Putting on the pasties and then triumphantly exclaiming, “Check out my nipple flowers!” They were lacy. I was excited.
- Opening the door wearing a very little wrap and hot rollers, expecting to see one of my friends but instead seeing the UPS man. Whoops.
- Getting a case of prosecco delivered to my apartment before everyone arrived.
- Opening 3 bottles before the shoot. Opening 6 after.
- One of my friends saying, “You’re one of 4 people that can coax me out of my self-absorption.”
- Raiding my fridge for Girl Scout cookies, which got everyone very excited.
- Handing a hanger full of pearl necklaces for my friend to carry across the street to the photo shoot.
- Arriving at the location, standing half-naked while my friend stitched pearl necklaces on me.
- Needing 12 packs of pearl necklaces opened immediately. Screeching, “I need assistance” and having everyone rush over and form this beautiful little sweatshop assembly line. Then apologizing profusely for having yelled.
-Reminding everyone they were all on “vag patrol.”
-Waddling over to the couch for the shoot, covering my woo-hoo with a red glitter heart.
- Liz blowing bubbles in my face.
-Looking around and realizing I’d convinced 9 people to hang out in cocktail attire while I was naked, and they all seemed to think it was a great idea, too.
-Looking over at my wife, realizing she wasn’t a theater person like the rest but she really pulls through her stage fright when I need her.
- Amanda being referred to by the photographer as “Crying Girl On the Left”
-Kate’s amazing playlist she made in the car on the way to my apartment.
- The photographer asking me to switch up poses and trying to figure out how to change my look without disrupting the delicately draped pearls. I settled for head angles. The shoulders had to remain stationery.
-The powder girl had the softest powder brush. I wanted to marry it. I kind of purred every time she powdered me.
- Walking back across the street to my apartment, wearing only a robe, 15 lbs of pearls and heels, surrounded by my von-tourage.
- And then, getting everyone drunk in my apartment and making all their Girl Scout cookie dreams come true.

vonhottie: Tomorrow, von Hottie will be wearing these two...

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:21:51 -0400

shoes

pearls

vonhottie:

Tomorrow, von Hottie will be wearing these two things … and a smile.

You might see something similar to this in Time Out New York in...

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 01:20:15 -0400

You might see something similar to this in Time Out New York in November.

lacontessa:

marydear:sugar-hips-ramblings:modfetish:fetishdesign:moonweed:

scarletlotus:carnalknowledge:finenudes:eekeek:

"Mermaid Girl" Shiloh Pepin dies at age 10

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 20:46:09 -0400

"Mermaid Girl" Shiloh Pepin dies at age 10:

This girl was so rad. I saw the documentary about her on Discovery and her interview with Oprah, during which she rolled her eyes a lot and gave Oprah some seriously awesome 10-year-old attitude. I’m having mom and grandma pull up a special chair for her at their cocktail party in heaven.

Zsa Zsa Gabor Workout Video - a vision of von Hottie’s...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:01:37 -0400

Zsa Zsa Gabor Workout Video - a vision of von Hottie’s future?
(from Social Workout.com)

(video via He Who Laughs)

The First Family’s Official Portrait. When I see pictures...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:27:16 -0400

The First Family’s Official Portrait.

When I see pictures of the First Family, I start to think, Maybe I will get married and have babies. But only if my husband is just like Barack Obama, my kids look like Sasha and Malia, and I can hula hoop like Michelle. Otherwise, I’ll stick to my imaginary-cat, crazy-fun single-lady existence in which everything is either pink and/or sparkly and all the good stuff happens after 9pm.

This guy dressed as Spiderman was pulling people around...

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 01:49:09 -0400

This guy dressed as Spiderman was pulling people around Greenwich Village in his pedicab and then flipping them over in stunts like this. I thought the bouncer outside Groove put it best: “Yeah, he’s making money now, but somebody is going to sue that motherfucker.”

whiteleatherpalace: (via funtime)

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:10:24 -0400

whiteleatherpalace:

(via funtime)

"My dad told me, “I’m going to die and then you’ll have money.” No dad,..."

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:37:22 -0400

“My dad told me, “I’m going to die and then you’ll have money.” No dad, you’re never going to die. He’ll be 110. He’s spending his money even though it’s MY money. I love my dad and my mom. Although my mom said she would beat me to death before she’d share that money… This guy said “I’m tired of being weird.” aka he’s tired of me not talking to him … I only send him text messages in foreign languages. he doesn’t understand them & sometimes they’re really dirty. And sometimes they say I wish you were human… It’s not my fault …Did I tell you about the man I’m going to marry? I went tailgating & at 2am it was boring & this guy said what’s up & he introduced me to his friend & he seemed nice & normal but the problem is, & I said this to him, he’s not educated & doesn’t make any money, and I CARE about those things… I’ve decided to love it for what it is until he gets me a job in California and then he can fuck off… . I told him I was moving to LA and he was pissed … you wanna control where I live, then fuck me, marry me, then you can control where I eat, live & piss, but he’s not ready for that responsibility, because I’m too SMART… my aunt’s advice to all young ladies is, “Smell like good pussy” … if you smell like Chanel you’re not going to attract, like, 50 Cent…and that’s why you should have Thanksgiving with my family… the basement is a bar! …what more could you want? That’s all I want. . .I am a genius, and put that in it.”

- These are the phone calls I get at 3 am.

von Hottie whole-boob-edly endorses the Shock Absorber sports bra

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 00:05:41 -0400

von Hottie whole-boob-edly endorses the Shock Absorber sports bra:

vonhottie:

Click the title to read all about it!

The treadmill is the new runway

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 15:52:17 -0400

The treadmill is the new runway:

vonhottie:

von Hottie won the weekly prize on SocialWorkout.com for her blog post on turning the treadmill into a pageant runway. Click the title of this post to read all about it.

lacontessa: oldhollywood: “In my era, we had...

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 17:04:57 -0400

lacontessa:

oldhollywood:

“In my era, we had individuality. We did as we pleased. We stayed up late. We dressed the way we wanted. I’d whiz down Sunset Boulevard in my open Kissel (flaming red, of course) with seven red chow dogs to match my hair. Today they’re sensible and end up with better health-but we had more fun.”

-Clara Bow in 1951 interview (via mptv)

The treadmill is the new runway

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 00:31:43 -0400

[I’m sorry if I’m neglecting this blog. I blog all the time on Socialworkout.com.Do you want me to repost them here?]

Workout
The treadmill is the new runway

I invented the best game ever this evening. Since the guy next to me was hooting and hollering at the baseball game on TV, I felt like I had carte blanche to behave however I wanted on my own treadmill. I call this game the “Treadmill Pageant.” You get on the treadmill, at whatever incline or speed you like, and you put on your iPod, and then you pretend you are in a beauty pageant dance contest. Your standard consistent motion should be a tippy-toe swiveling prance. I call this move “Pageant Pageant Pageant.” Think of the entrance walks from “Toddlers & Tiaras” and you have it. Hold onto the sides of the treadmill so 1) you don’t eat it and 2) you get kind of a arm/shoulder workout when you dip into lunges.

Songs that worked partcularly well for this are:

“Smack That” - everytime you hear “smack that” you jump and chassé, à la West Side Story

“Upside Down” - walking lunges to the disco beat, and do a forward hustle during the verses.

“Since U Been Gone” - Strut & dance during the verses, and SPRINT during the chorus. Run like it’s not “Since U Been Gone” but “Since I Kicked Dirt in Your Retard Face.”

Next time I’ll add arm choreography. And make Sass videotape it. If you would like an in-person demo, please feel free to schedule a Crunch gym appointment with me.

Workout: 15 minutes on the elliptical. 20 of the best minutes of my life on the treadmill.

Workout Date:
Fri, 10/16/2009 (All day)

I love me some SocialWorkout.com

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:42:00 -0400

I love me some SocialWorkout.com

lacontessa: The Dolly Sisters -via gladtoseeyou I have to...

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 00:42:38 -0400

lacontessa:

The Dolly Sisters

-via gladtoseeyou

I have to just “like” this ‘cause Tumblr won’t let me “marry” it.